Manchester United and England midfielder Ella Toone has written about her grief as she paid tribute to her father who died in September last year.
Nick Toone died three days short of his 60th birthday, having been diagnosed with prostate cancer the day after he had watched Ella score in the Euro 2022 final, a match in which England beat Germany 2-1 at Wembley.
Writing for the Players’ Tribune, Toone, 25, said she was still trying to process her feelings because it had come as a shock, in large part because her father had not explained to her how ill he was until near the end.
“When he passed, it was a big shock, even to some of the people closest to him, because no one hardly knew he was ill,” Toone wrote. “People ask me now, ‘Why didn’t you tell us?’ And I’m like, I didn’t know either. I didn’t know half of it…
“For the past few months, I’ve been trying to figure it all out, trying to get unstuck. It’s still raw. I still feel the pain digging in, the gutting feeling of not having him here anymore.
“Even now, sometimes I think he’s going to come back, like he’s right in the other room waiting for me to come around the corner so he can have a joke or some banter … he was always on a wind-up.”
Toone paid tribute to her father’s role in her career, from taking her to her first practices and, at the age of six, promising her £10 for every goal she scored for the Astley and Tyldesley Girls team in Greater Manchester – a pledge that cost him £100 in her first game.
Toone recalled how her parents would travel home and away to watch all of her games as a professional, then re-watched recordings at home before her dad phoned her to talk them over.
Toone said her first clue that something was not right came as he looked ill after the opening game of the Euros, England’s 1-0 win over Austria at Old Trafford, and then missed the game against Norway which was played in Brighton.
But both her parents continued to tell Toone that her dad was simply “not feeling too well”, and she did not get a fuller picture until after Manchester United’s 4-0 FA Cup final win over Tottenham last May, a match in which Toone scored the opener. That was the first time cancer was mentioned.
“I’m still processing,” Toone added. “This is my first try at really talking about it. Like dad said, the Toones are not great at feelings. But I wanted to write this, for anyone grieving and feeling alone.”